2 years

I go through periods of time where I blog quite frequently, and then I neglect it terribly for even longer…

My hope originally was to keep up with this blog even after the initial craziness had past. Why? To maybe help other people on their own loss journey; to offer the kind of support that you can only truly give from a place of BTDT… Just to keep some sort of record so my little one stays fresh in my mind; though that has turned out to never be an issue. Her beautiful little face is still in my mind as if I had just held her yesterday! <3 Even so… I think I’m more than past due for an update here!
2 years this month.

December 2nd, 2007. I don’t need to go into the details of that day… they’re all here for anyone who would like to read them.

2 years of EVERY single emotion one can even imagine… and even some that one could not even begin to imagine. In 2 years I have been to the absolute lowest point of my life, but I have also pulled myself back up again! I have been angry & bitter, and at the other end of the spectrum I have been full of love and hopeful for the future! I went through losing my faith and feeling like I would never be ok again after losing my daughter to feeling absolutely blessed for the time I DID have with her, and for what she has brought, and continues to bring to my life! I almost let losing her destroy me… but I came to a point where I realized that I could NOT let her legacy be hate and destruction, anger and bitterness… How could I allow my sweet little baby to be the cause of that? To be remembered that way? I couldn’t… so I’ve worked very hard to leave the pain behind, and change my life for the better. I’ve come a long way, and have faith that I will continue in the right direction.

Losing a child is one of the most difficult things that anyone can ever go through… it will devastate your life completely, but it is true that there is a silver lining in every cloud… if you are willing to look. In the lowest times of our lives there is also the opportunity for amazing growth… if you let it happen.

I miss my sweet baby every day, and I always will, but I feel her with me in every positive step I take in my life. She was only with me Earth-side for a short time, but her impact was great.

Sweet baby Siodhachan… you are so cherished. No more “why me”… only thank you… thank you for choosing me to have the time with you that I did. It changed me forever.